Pushing Me Away
by PerfectMisfit
Summary: /keep sleeping, because you'll push me away if you wake up./ Takano Masamune reaches a bittersweet realisation while Onodera Ritsu slumbers. Takano Masamune x Onodera Ritsu.


_inspired by ashita boku was kimi ni ai ni iku_

_"I want this kind smile, these gentle hands, even though I cannot have them." - Kiryuu Zero, Vampire Knight.  
_**I do not own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi; it is all property of Nakamura Shungiku and I claim no profit whatsoever from this piece of writing.**

Also, haven't really written in a while. Apologies for the bad quality, but I love this series and just had to write something for it~

* * *

_keep sleeping, because you'll push me away if you wake up.  
_

There's a difference between looking and observing, and only when he glances at Onodera Ritsu's sleeping form does he realise the difference. Certainly, his lover - ex-lover, he morosely corrects himself _-_ is a handsome man, if not a touch more feminine than any man has the right to be, but extremely appealing visually, nonetheless. As he slumbers in his ailing state, he seems so much more relaxed, so defenceless and so utterly innocent that it almost chokes Masamune. His features are soft, his frame slender and Masamune wonders how much restraint he can exert on himself. He crosses his legs and tears his gaze away from the brunet, settling at looking at his own hands as the clock ticks slowly, tiredly, _heavily. _He should have become accustomed to incidents like this by now, really; Ritsu has been drunk and has also been aided by his boss more times than he can count, yet every time Ritsu lapses into inebriation, Takano learns more and more about his subordinate (who is excessively honest while under the influence of liquor)._  
_

This time, Ritsu spills the most uncomfortable truth he has ever spilled during his drunken stupors. _I might love Takano-san if he didn't harass me so much all the time. _When he hears it for the very first time, he's torn between fulfilling his desires - _oh lord, that beautiful body of Ritsu's - _and wanting Ritsu to perhaps, really and truly love him as he claims he will or might. Naturally the prospect of true love propels Masamune to keep his hands off Ritsu's body, but the question now is how long can he last. It has been about half an hour since Ritsu sank into a semi-slumber state, occasionally mumbling random things and Masamune is lost and annoyed. Ritsu isn't even going to remember this night, but his words have successfully guilt-tripped Masamune into respecting Ritsu's opinion. Sighing, Masamune lies down, facing Ritsu and squashing the urge to kiss the man senseless as Ritsu's exhale tickles his skin.

The brunet shifts in his sleep, turning onto his side and his fingers curl around the front of Masamune's shirt. He lets out a small groan in his sleep, something that sounds suspiciously like Masamune, but the taller man can't be sure. He's never felt so ... affected before, Masamune possesses the amazing and often very useful ability to remain unperturbed by events and withhold his emotional response to situations behind his stoic mask. Right now, there is no denying that he is ... slightly surprised by Ritsu's words. Should he even believe Ritsu's mostly slurred, half-swallowed words? Drunk people are honest people, though. But can he place any faith on something Ritsu would not remember when sober - the man did not promise Masamune anything after all, just a vague opinion. He's not confused, oh no (_only_ _half-assed people get confused_) because he knows he wants Ritsu, but is taking Ritsu's words seriously the appropriate approach?

The brunet presses himself up against Masamune's chest, mumbling something in his sleep and curling slowly into himself. Masamune carefully adjusts his hands so they are wrapped gently around Ritsu, carefully cradling the man in his arms whilst being tempted to drop a kiss on his forehead. He wishes he could pause and capture this moment, perhaps preserve it in an album and cherish the feeling because he might never feel it again or worse, see it take place again - or maybe, to have the capacity to make this one moment comprise the rest of his life. Even though it is stiflingly silent and uncomfortably hot, Takano Masamune has never felt better, or happier or more content. What makes it sad is that it's only when is ex-lover is mostly unconscious and incapable of defending himself that he is this elated.

He brushes the thought away easily. He has never been one for self-pity.

"Nnngh ... Ta-takano-san?"

The words leave his mouth before he even knows what he is saying - he is always so uncontrolled around Ritsu, a stark contrast to the blunt, borderline-despotic and collected persona he maintains at work. "Shh, Ri ... _Onodera,_" he catches himself just in time. He's not in highschool anymore - he doesn't have the right to address Ritsu by his given name, he realises dolefully. "Go back to sleep." _because you'll push me away if you wake up._


End file.
